Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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