Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
