More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I looked at my own cervix.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
