i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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