the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
