why didn't you poke me back
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
