I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
