I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
