Only a mothe r could love this liver
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
