You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
50% drunk capacity currently
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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