What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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