this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
