What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
