Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
