She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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