I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
