So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
