Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
