rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
