i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
