"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
