You're a womanizer and a bitch.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
