carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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