so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
foreskin is a definite game changer
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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