you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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