I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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