Will you blow on my dice?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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