Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
