so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize