Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
