Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
