Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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