I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
