So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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