I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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