She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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