I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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