do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
