i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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