my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
