Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
