1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
