I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
