Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
third nipple confirmed
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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