I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
