So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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