I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
