okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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