ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
