just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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